Ghetto Name Builder

Building blocks of life
Originally uploaded by Digger Digger Dogstar

Ghetto Name Builder™:

Do you suffer the indignity of a plain old boring, vanilla name? Has no one in your entire life even once asked you how to spell or pronounce your name? Are you sick and tired of being able to walk up to any display of key chains secure in the knowledge that you could pick out your name right away? Perhaps you’ve been nursing a secret envy of the Trevontaes, DeShawns, and Ayre’ Jordans all around you. Now you, too, can build a Hood Masterpiece all your own with the helpful Ghetto Name Builder™ (patent pending!). You can create the Ghetto Name that you’ve always wanted. In less time than it takes to make a pitcher of grape KoolAid, you can Pimp Your Name.

Simply take the name that you wish to transform and add at least one of the afore-mentioned prefixes or suffixes (see The Rules post). Crafting a Hood Name is a highly subjective process, so feel free to add as many prefixes or suffixes as you like until you reach the desired sound. Keep in mind that creating a Ghetto Name is as much an art as a science, and it may be necessary to drop the first or last sound in the standard name to better match the selected prefix or suffix.

After the foregoing steps, if you are still dissatisfied with your Ghetto Name, consider utilizing "La", also known as the “Mother of All Prefixes”. "La "will instantly transform your standard name into Hood appropriate nomenclature. As a final measure, you could throw in one or more apostrophes for no particular reason.

Examples:

Tiffany becomes La’Tiffany*.
Mark is transformed into Markez, DeMarkez, or Tre’Markus*.
Sharon equates to Shavonte, Sharontice, or Sharontez.

*Double points awarded for unnecessary apostrophe usage.

To further illustrate the transformation process, what follows is a conversion chart with a partial listing of Ghetto Names and equivalent Standard Names.

Ghetto Name/Standard Name

Starkeisha /Buffy
Aquanetta /Candy
Cialis /Kayla
Anthronice / Antonia
Anfernee / Anthony
Shavonte / Sharon
Cristal / Crystal
La'Darryl / Darryl

The Rules

the only rule is work
Originally uploaded by litherland

Introduction

The definitive question of our time: What makes a given name Ghetto?

We’ve all heard them, know someone with one or, in a worst case scenario, suffer through the indignities of having one of our very own. At this very moment in history, we are experiencing a tidal wave of Jerquethia’s, Alyze’s, Dartangelo’s, and Myrikal’s.

Before going any further, it would be helpful to coalesce around appropriate terminology. For the purposes of our discussion, Ghetto Names, Crazy Names, Creative Names, and Hood Names are treated as synonymous terms, referring to the inventive and, at times, astonishing construction of names engaged in by ever increasing numbers of parents.

Reactions to these Creative Names run the gamut- prompting giggles, shakes of the head and immediate email forwarding to a couple dozen of our closest friends and associates. If we’re honest, we will admit to sending up a little prayer of thanks, recognizing that but for that next-to-last 40 ounce we, too, may have been saddled with a Nom de Ghetto.

Responses seem to fall into one of two camps when it comes to Ghetto Names. On the pro side are the defenders of the right of parents to name their offspring in any manner they see fit, however far outside the mainstream. On the con side are those who range from bemused to somewhat contemptuous of the highly imaginative choices that some parents make.

Why do these names spark such extreme reactions? What precisely qualifies a name as Ghetto as opposed to merely whimsical? And finally, what is it about a particular configuration of consonants, vowels and, in all too many instances, apostrophes that scream: My parents don’t have a lick of sense!

The Rules

Quiet as it is kept, there really are rules of construction for Ghetto Names. While conventional wisdom holds that the creators of Ghetto Names simply mix together the leftover letters from a Scrabble game, generously sprinkled with apostrophes, the truth is that the majority of parents who choose Ghetto Names- similar to the parents of children with more traditional names- spend a considerable amount of time crafting these Hood Masterpieces.

The rules of construction are fairly straightforward. Typically, Ghetto Names utilize one or more of a number of standard prefixes and suffixes.

Commonly Used Prefixes and Suffixes:

fa, sha, qua, ja, ka, la, ta, tra

de, dre(y), te(y), trey

ia, shia, sha, shawn, shon

ie, ice, ion

ese, ez

kez, quez, tez

on, ous

Note that the list of standard Hood prefixes and suffixes, while not exhaustive, are, for the most part, completely interchangeable.