When Great Expectations Go Horribly, Terribly Awry

From a story that broke late last year, an 18 year old Texas man was arrested for stealing candy from a Wal-Mart. While there is nothing particularly noteworthy about the crime, the true extent of the heinous nature of the incident only revealed itself when the young man's name was released.

Wait for it...

Neiman Marcus Jones was arrested for stealing "fist fulls of candy" from his local Wal-Mart. While there are any number of comments that can be made about this story, I am just struggling to wrap my mind around the fact that anyone past the age of 9 would think that Red Hots and Now and Laters would be worth jail time.

Do you think that when Mama Jones looked at her beautiful newborn that she could have possibly imagined a future in which her little boy would be arrested for stealing penny candy from a discount retailer?

I think not.

Now, I like my daily dose of corn syrup as much as the next person and look back with great fondness on the sugar-soaked years of my childhood. In fact, I spent an inordinate amount of my "Wonder Years" coveting candy, hoarding it or planning when I could get my next hit. My mom was a healthy nutrition fiend, so, more often than not, I was left futilely jonesing for my next sugar fix while the neighborhood kids proudly displayed their purple tongues from that weird sugar candy with the white Popsicle stick. However, not once did it occur to me that a grab-and-dash at the corner store might be a solution to my problem.

Just imagine what the jailhouse conversation must have sounded like:

"What you in here for?"

"Assault with a deadly weapon and resisting arrest. What about you?"

"I caught a case for Ju Ju Beans and Laffy Taffy. It was worth it though, 'cause I love me some Ju Ju Beans."

I'm thinking Neiman Marcus is going to have to come up with a better cover story. For more on this truly sad crime, check out the link.

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/dpp/news/Police_Teen_Candy_Crook_Tangles_with_WalMart_Employees