Just the FAQs

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. Once I’ve settled on my Ghetto Name, how do I get people to begin using my preferred form of address?

Solution:
Every time someone inadvertently calls you by your given name, regardless of your ethnicity state, “I no longer answer to my slave name.”

No further response should be necessary. Simply give the offending person(s) your craziest eyes and refuse to back down.

2. I’ve gotten so many questions about how to pronounce and/or spell my new Ghetto Name. Frankly, it’s getting to the point that I am considering giving up.

Solution:
Take heart. This is a common problem, which can be easily addressed. Since many of the people around you may be unfamiliar with the correct way to spell or pronounce your new name, we encourage you to keep handy a supply of Ghetto Pronounciation Guides (GPG) cards. In addition to supplying you with instant street cred, your GPG card provides the correct spelling and phonetic pronunciation of your name. Keep these cards on you at all times; you’ll find them to be a lifesaver.

3. I love my new Ghetto Name, but have some concerns about using it in a professional setting. What do you recommend?

Solution:
As well you should. We encourage everyone to leave his or her standard middle name intact, so that your older relatives will have something to call you (besides Crazy) that they can easily pronounce. Although the experts are still out on this one, you should probably continue to utilize your standard-sounding middle name on all official correspondence, like resumes, especially if you enjoy getting interview call backs.

4. I love my new Ghetto Name and am thinking about selecting an appropriate last name to match. Do you have any suggestions?

Solution:
Certainly. There are only four appropriate Hood Last Names:
Jackson, Jefferson, Johnson or X.
Take your pick.